Being Trans

Accepting I'm Trans

It took me a long time for me to accept myself and the fact that I'm a trans person.

Since I was a little kid, I always wanted to be more girly. Even in elementary I liked it when my female friends would sort of use me as their "practice thing." For example, getting my hair braided or getting a hair bow put on. It wasn't until high school when I started thinking it may be more than I initially thought. I even mimicked Leia's dance from Lego Starwars and my dad told me to stop it.

It wasn't until age 16 when I finally started pondering on the thought some more. I told a group chat I was a girl and never said I was a guy. The journey started there.

After some time, I dressed in my mom's clothing. It felt exhilarating to do it. My heart was racing and I was very excited. Looking at myself in the mirror and almost seeing a woman made me happy. When I told her about it (after considering it for some weeks), she told me she noticed some of her stuff moving around and was happy that 1) I told her about what I was doing and 2) to finally know why her stuff was moving around. I finally got my own clothing not too long after, so we didn't have to "share" anymore.

Now, at my current age, have finally accepted myself and no longer repress anything or think I'm a pervert.


I want to preface this section by stating that I have not being professionaly diagnosed, nor will I self-diagnose, with any dissociative disorder. This is just what I've observed.

My current understanding of disassociation is that it's like living life through a window or being half aware of what's happening but experiencing it differently than how it actually happened. At the time, I thought I was daydreaming about the present if I was a girl — going to school as a girl, studying as a girl, socializing as a girl — to the point that I forgot I was a boy. I legit forgot that I had cock and balls, a full beard and though I was a girl. I used to make a comment here and there about it to my friends, not thinking it may have been a more serious thing.

In retrospect, I now recognize what was happening: I was not just daydreaming, I think it was more wishful, if that makes sense. I wished to be a girl so bad that I, for the lack of better words, really lived as one.

This is one of the things that may other trans people on Reddit mentioned they experienced, and is also one of the things that I see as a sign of being trans. I see it as a trait that validates my identity.

Finding Happiness

Now that I accept myself and recognize the truth behind my experiences growing up, I now feel happier more often and it's nice dressing how I want. I hope someone reads this and is inspired or feels validated, at least.

Oh, and support groups rock!


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